Rent-paying, bill-getting, furniture-owning ADULT.
It's sort of weird to think that I'm not the same I that I was when I was 10, or 15, or 18, yet I still am I. I suppose that doesn't make too much sense. I think I really understand what Pastor Ed meant when he said that the life of a college student is one constantly in change. And as I face my 3rd year in college, stepping ever closer to a real, job-going, income-earning adult, I feel like I should be overcome with vertigo. I'm mildly fascinated by the fact that I haven't plummeted to the ground as I take further steps into the unknown future (and, not to be morbid, closer to my death, but hey, who's counting the years anyway? Not like we celebrate something like that every year with cake and presents.) which, really, I've come to realize this past year, cannot be controlled, however hard you plan. I feel as if every plan I had come to make this year failed.
I also realize I have a lot of power, power to change and to impact the people I talk to, the people I meet, the people whose lives I unwittingly find mine brushing against. I found the power of a simple life, a single word, a solitary action to lightly yet significantly influence the course of others' lives. I know because I too have been changed by such seemingly inconsequential brushes that play such large parts to bring me to where I am.
Sophomore year was really long yet really short, dragged on too long yet sped by too fast. It's so strange that I've only known the Kairos girls for a year, that just two years ago around this time, I had graduated from high school. I can't remember feeling that young (like those Interhigh kids, who just seem so confused, so unknowing, so... so young), only feeling so old, feeling like I was running out of time before I'm giving my kids a ride to soccer practice, before I'm expected to know everything and do everything and be everything.
There was a lot of joy in the past year and also a lot of painful growing, a lot of stress and pressure and worries, but also a lot of people and places - which really makes it all worth-while.
I thank God so much for all His provisions, surrounding me with such blessings, making sure every step I take into that uncontrollable future lands not through dark air of nothingness, but on a solid path into a bright future, however unknown it may be to me. I find the path full with people, those who care and love and accept even in the midst of those who don't.
Looking forward, rather than being blinded by a dreary darkness, I'm blinded by a marvelous light.
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