something along the lines of

something along the lines of the last post that I posted on Jfer's tumblr thing.

Inadequacy is the name of the game I’m playing lately. I’ve always thought that as you get older, that’s something only immature, dumb kids play; once you get older, you graduate from such things and move into the cool confidence of competence. It’s a scary game, and half the time I’m looking down and utterly shocked that I haven’t plummeted to the ground and landed in an unimpressive heap of failure and disappointments. And far from what I believed as a child, I see that maturity is further realizing one’s inadequacies than moving away from them. Kind of like walking on a tightrope in the fog, thinking that as you walk farther along, you’ll realize that the ground is actually a soft, bouncy material, only to notice as the fog rolls away that you’re hundreds of feet off of a very hard and very solid floor.

What I want to say, though, is that, ultimately, feelings of inadequacy is okay. More than okay, really, especially when we have the promise of God who gives us strength in weakness, who makes all paths straight, and who makes all things possible. In competence, I only found myself and that has made me arrogant and insecure and alone. In inadequacy, I find grace and companionship. I find God and I find you, my peers, and God’s church, who haven’t kicked me out on my bum, but rather continue to accept me and forgive me.

In that, inadequacy has given me far more than competence has. So, if you’re feeling the same as I am, maybe that’s a good thing after all.