As long as I am within thee...

I worry that I'm not worrying enough.

Thinking back, I distinctly remembering being such a worry-wart. Always concerned, always fretting about what might happen. Now-a-days, I assume events will naturally turn out all right. Almost aloof and detached. I spend my days reading nonsense and sleeping away half the days. At first, it was AMAZING! After so many years of doing stuff, I finally had nothing to do.

But it's been almost three months now and I realize I like being busy than not. It gives life more meaning, more purpose (though, of course, being busy doesn't mean you're doing anything meaningful). Through all this, you realize why fantasy stories of adventure and the like are so popular. Because these people live lives of meaning and deep sense of purpose and direction. And deep down, everyone wants to have that, the knowledge and satisfaction that he can be more than he is, do greater than she has done, etc.

Of course, I would contribute that to God. He instills in us a wanting for purpose and meaning because He wants us to go search for the purpose God set out for us. I don't think it is a type of destiny; it is something that we can choose to fulfill rather than something that is out of our power to decline (if that makes any grammatical sense - I have been out of school for a while...).

And maybe, that's what truly distinguishes ourselves from animals and plants. Not emotions or feelings, as others might put it, but the longing for meaning. (There really aren't any proper synonyms for meaning and purpose, are there?) What animal will question its place and role in life and the grand scheme of things? What plant will seek for more than basic life functions for something deeper and perhaps even more essential than tomorrow's meal?

In that sense, it seems today's world is better than it was in the past. It gives us the time and the luxury to think of these questions and the freedom to act upon our decisions. Granted not everyone takes advantage of such, and not everyone has as much choice as others, but I believe everyone in today's society (at least in all the developed countries) do have that chance. In the past, most people could only focus on survival. The efforts of science and technology has surely changed the way people view the world. But I can't help but feel slightly envious of people of the past. Though survival was difficult, they had a greater appreciation for the simple things in life, a greater appreciation for gifts and goodness. I don't believe life was more difficult or easier; I think life is hard and/or easy in different ways, but having too much time to think about things can be a blessing and a curse... as seen in this blog. (LOL.)

And thus, I have taken the original purpose of this post in a completely different direction than intended! Ah, the complexities of life!




... My Heart shall always be with thee.